I'm going to turn 50 in Aug. It seems like a milestone to me. Something that should be celebrated, in a bigger way. I have a Provo friend who celebrates her birthday all month long. Every year. (You know who you are.) I love that she does that even though I've never been inclined myself to carry it out that long. Until this year. Until 50.
Fifty is just different. It seems like a transition. And permission. And...
Okay, I'm back. I went and looked for a word to best describe the feeling I was trying to convey. And I found it --- concordant. I've never used that word concordant in my life. No time like the present, since it fits. I feel like fifty is coming into agreement, harmony - concordant. Or concordance. Or concord. Whichever. Whatever, it feels like it's the long process of the coming together to contentment.
I'm content with where I am. Not the content that wants to sit and slide. Not the content that doesn't want improvement or see the need for it. Not the kind that doesn't want a challenge or two. (Okay, maybe only one.) But the kind that recognizes and respects goodwill, harmony, friendship, love, because of pain, contention, loneliness, and heartbreak. In the little scheme of things it's like a personal peace treaty.
But, this really wasn't what I was going to talk about. At least not in such depth. What I wanted to say was that I've been thinking about this for a while and I've come up with a way that I want to celebrate turning 50. But, this has taken up too much space already so I will tell you how tomorrow.